.: pelangi kehidupan :.: turn twenty

no! i turn twenty! yeah.i am twenty.i am a big girl.not kids anymore. no more childish ok! :D

so many trials and obstacle come this year.this semester.and that’s how life rolls. i try to motivate myself. keep patience. waiting and searching for the true happiness. i try to renew my intention every day n keep myself positive! However. at one time. i will stop and thinking. im so scared that happiness will drift me away from remembering HIM. Because only when im in this hard situations I learnt many things. It built me to be stronger...

Study? I didn’t do well on my study last sem. Result jatuh merudum.ohmooo.. but Alhamdulillah.my CGPA still above 3. N as usual. I will receive my result with feelingless feeling.. some people asking me whether im okay or not.. i am ok! don’t worry.:) (you know. i just have this ability to not show my feelings outside.so most of the time,i’ll just look expressionless.hehe) mariam kan kuat! :p eventhough,i didn’t do well this sem. i know i had try all my best. struggle to give the best that i can.this won’t pull me down. maybe it made me upset for 1 whole day but i’ll definitely get up on the very next day.. i will never give up! i will keep tring. i will keep telling myself that I can. i must be strong! i must! Architecture had taught me lots of things. Not only just doing design. But also the meaning of ‘real life’. i learnt so many things. Learn the meaning of patience. Learn how to survive. Learn how to communicate with others. Learn to be reject ( teach me the concept of usaha n tawakal) .and i was so grateful of all the pain and hard times that i felt. alhamdulillah... you know... there's anything is possible when u're a small child. u will make actions out of belief.. but as we grow older. there's some of things that scare us and make us fear to go through it. i wish that i was like a small child. can see whatever happen as an adventure for me. and enjoy it.

i did some flashback of the old mariam. all praised to HIM. for HIS guidance.. its really hard to be in this field of architecture. i always thinking. and always keep asking myself why. i try to clarify myself. i try to be in the brightside of myself. and keep myself positive. and only in this ‘hard situation’ i realized i had changed a lot... architecture had turn my perspective of life. So many things happened in past few years. This hard situation really change me. renew the muslim in me and makes me feel very lucky to be in this course... which is something that I had never think. i will keep change myself step by step to be a better muslimah.. insyaAllah. I will try to purify my heart.. try to accept my weakness and learn from it at the same time try to be grateful to Allah for what He gives me..

someone said, if you keep on changing and changing will you lose yourself in the process and u will become someone else. but NO. for me i think. by keep changing u will find ur own self at the same time, it will shape yourself to be better better than before! kan? ^^ i thank Allah for each person that came into my life. for the sad and hepy moments that they brought into my life. and i know everything that's happened and going to happen in the future. will be for the best now and soon...insyaAllah :)

*thanks Allah for sending 'them' in my life. they inspire me to be better muslimah n better person. may us stay along together in the right path. hopefully we were strong to face all the obstacle that will come. i love both of u for the sake of Allah*
TERUSKAN MELANGKAH!

ramadan is already 2/3 gone! i dont know why this rmadhan i feel so sad wif myself...only Allah knows why =__= may Allah gives us what is right and best for us. may this be a month of forgiveness. answers. acceptance, and everything we need..ameen! hopefully. this Ramadan will be a turning point... a new beginning for us to be better. a better Muslim in us insyaAllah..

~If u wish for a life without pain. Then you will never see the beauty of a rainbow after the rain~

✿Barakallaahu fiykum wa jazzakumullah khoir✿

✿ ahlan wasahlan ✿

everyone has their own past.and the past is not to be judged. but to be learned.. i know being strong is not easy, but its the only choice i have thats what ALLAH wants me to do! randomly written part of my journey to be a better muslimah.hopefully in future. when i read my blog again. i will smile n say to myself. you did it dear! you did better better than before.. never stop moving forward! Allah is always with u! keep istiqomah! changing from bad to good is a long-term adventure, but it is wonderful! shine on and dont give up on what u have decided to do! :) ♥

✿ muhasabah cintaku ✿

Setiap manusia adalah arkitek kehidupannya sendiri. Dia membinanya seperti mana yang dikehendakinya namun selepas dia membina apa yang dikehendakinya, kadang kala dia mendapati bahawa dia tidak menyukai apa yang telah dibinanya dan mencari seseorang atau sesuatu untuk dipersalahkan daripada mencuba untuk menukar dirinya sendiri.... “Sometimes, Allah breaks our spirit to save our soul.sometimes, HE breaks our heart to make us whole.sometimes, HE allows pain so we can be stronger.sometimes, HE sends us failure so we can be humble.sometimes, Allah takes everything away from us so we can learn the value of everything HE gave us..make plans but understand that we live by Allah’s grace.” :) ♥ "Wanita yang solehah tersenyum dalam kesusahan, mendapat kekuatan melalui doa, menenangkan hati melalui istighfar, dan mendidik diri melalui solat yang khusyu'. Susah itu tarbiyyah, sabar itu indah..." Perempuan itu diciptakan dari tulang rusuk,sementara yg paling bngkok itu bahagian teratasnya. Jika engkau berkeras meluruskannya,ia akan patah. Ttp jika engkau membiarkannya,ia akan bengkok selamanya. Maka nasihatilah perempuan dengan cara yg baik! ♥ "Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang beriman ialah mereka yang bila disebut nama Allah gemetarlah hati mereka, dan apabila dibacakan ayat-ayatNya bertambahlah iman mereka (karenanya), dan hanya kepada Tuhanlah mereka bertawakkal." “Sesiapa yg merasa sng oleh amal kebaikannya, dan merasa sedih atau menyesal atas perbuatan dosanya, maka dia seorang Mukmin.“ (Riwayat al-Tabarani) “Sebahagian daripada tanda matinya hati, iaitu jika tidak berasa sedih kerana tertinggalnya suatu amalan kebaikan, juga tdk menyesal jika terbuat suatu pelanggaran dosa. “ Syeikh Ibn Ata’illah

✿motivation words ✿

We must also realize that nothing happens without a purpose. Nothing. Not even broken hearts. Not even pain. That broken heart and that pain are lessons and signs for us. They are warnings that something is wrong. They are warnings that we need to make a change. Just like the pain of being burned is what warns us to remove our hand from the fire, emotional pain warns us that we need to make an internal change. That we need to detach. Pain is a form of forced detachment. Like the loved one who hurts you again and again and again, the more dunya hurts us, the more we inevitably detach from it. The more we inevitably stop loving it.

and that’s why if we live in dunya with our hearts, it breaks us. That’s why this dunya hurts. It is because the definition of dunya, as something temporary and imperfect.

It isn’t because you’re weak. It isn’t because you’re just not grateful enough. It isn’t because you’re just not religious enough. It isn’t because you don’t have enough faith. It isn’t because God is angry with you. To all the well-meaning people who tell you this, just smile. And know deep in your heart that the tests of God come in different forms to different people. And know that, by the help of God, every test can become a tool to get closer to Him. And that, verily, with hardship come ease–and like all things of this world–this too shall pass.

With each new heartbreak, I was forced to look deeper intowhy. I was forced to look deeper into why it hurt so much -- into what I was missing. I was searching. I was falling. I was learning.

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

Allah SWT sometimes like to delay the response when his servant asking HIM and calling out to HIM because Allah loves his servants to praise Him..because He loves them so much that He wants His name to be mentioned on their tongue more and more! And Allah sometimes delay the response bcoz if he knows that through that delaying you are rising in your levels in the Hereafter! Then Allah SWT wants you to come closer to Him! :)

Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything& make your optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best& expect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past& press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you!

Truly in the heart there is a void that can not be removed except with the company of Allah. And in it there is a sadness that can not be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah and being true to Him. And in it there is an emptiness that can not be filled except with love for Him and by turning to Him and always remembering Him. And if a person were given all of the world and what is in it, it would not fill this emptiness. — Ibn al-Qayyim

turn twenty

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